Week 39

18th - 24th September 2005

Emma's Entry

Evan demonstrates his crawling but only with the use of bait :p

Well this is it... The time has come for me to return to work. Unfortunately as much as I love spending time with Evan and being his full time carer, I have to pay the bills and if I am to ensure that Evan has lots of great things, I need to earn some money. I think nursery will be good for Evan because he loves the social aspect and playing with different toys that he doesn't have at home and seeing other babies. I think he would have become bored at home with me as I certainly wouldn't be able to do the kinds of activities that nurseries can do very easily. Nurseries have a good structure as well that ensures that they are well prepared for pre-school life. I have absolutely loved my time with Evan over the past 9 months and if I could have afforded it I probably would have opted to stay at home with him a little longer. We've done loads of baby groups together, played lots, bonded extremely well and I certainly surprised Caroline at how well I took to motherhood. Before Evan's birth she had said I would probably be climbing the walls by 6 months wanting to get back to work and I have to admit I think I surprised myself a little too. I am looking forward to seeing my friends at work and also doing something which is non-baby related but I just wish there could have been a way for me to spend a little more time with Evan than I am going to have when I go back to work. My ideal solution would be to work 3 days and have 2 days off with Evan so that he can have me all to himself. Maybe when Caroline is earning and we have a little brother or sister for Evan I'll be able to work part time.

I attended a developmental session aimed at letting us know what to expect between the ages of 6-9 months. I learnt a lot about the kinds of foods we can start letting Evan have and they even said that he should soon be able to feed himself. I decided to try a few out this week with varying degrees of success! We laid some peas and sweetcorn on his highchair tray and watched to see if he could pick them up and eat them by himself. I don't think he realised they were food and instead just happily mashed his hands down on them and sprayed bits of pea and sweetcorn across the living room. No doubt I'll continue to find bits of pea for the next couple of days when cleaning! Caroline also gave Evan the spoon and helped him feed himself and this was a little more successful. He just got bored after a few spoonfuls and then started flapping his hands around in protest.

We have also started brushing his teeth twice a day and hopeful by the time the teeth are out far enough to need cleaning properly, he'll be used to the toothbrush and this routine. The first few attempts were a failure because he objected to the bristles of the brush going in his mouth and in the end I had to use my finger. Gradually over the week he has learned that this needs to be done and he is actually starting to open his mouth for us, albeit for just a few seconds at a time before clamping shut again! I let him play with the brush afterwards though and he seems to enjoy sticking it in his mouth then... :)

Evan crawls to the camera for a close up...

Evan has had his pre-sessions with the nursery this week. He attended 3 introductory 2 hour sessions to get him used to the environment and the people working with him. I was there for the first 2 sessions with him but on the third and final session he remained with the nursery on his own. I think it was harder for me than it was for him. I spent the first day worrying about what could be dangerous for Evan and worrying how they might cope with issues they may have feeding him or getting him to sleep etc.. He seemed to be fine and played quite happily. I am not sure how well his routine will fit in with the nursery's routine but time will tell. I was all psyched up for my first day back at work but as the looms closer and closer, my nerves and that anxious feeling that I get when away from Evan gets stronger and stronger... I have no idea how I will cope...

Evan and I had a clumsy day this week :(. He decided to bounce up and down on his knees in front of the coffee table and eye-butted the table giving himself a nasty bruise underneath his eye. That very same day I was bringing Evan down the stairs after having his evening bath and I slipped on a yellow pages that my neighbour had lent me, I dropped the nappy in left hand and landed on that arm as I slipped down the stairs but unfortunately as my body weight shifted I still managed to squash Evan's left leg between my bum and the stairs as I came to a halt. Caroline heard my scream and was there before I even finished calling her name. I don't know how much of my weight landed on Evan and I have no idea how I managed to keep hold of him as we fell. The poor little guy has a big lump on his knee that was trapped and a big red patch. I was devastated and hated seeing him cry. Causing pain to your child is probably a mothers worst nightmare and I still feel guilty thinking about it blaming myself for putting something on the stairs in the first place! I called the NHS Direct telephone service and talking through with them all the checks I did afterwards, I don't think he has any broken bones, just a few bruises. I just wanted to cuddle him all night long after that, but the poor little guy was tired and needed his bed. I am just glad he was due a bottle as that was one of the things that helped us calm him down after such a traumatic event. I know this is probably the first of many bumps and bruises he is going to get now that he is mobile, but I just hope that I never hurt him again.. poor baby boy.

Emma