Week 40

25th September -  1st October 2005

Emma's Entry

But I want these toys mummy...

When I started preparing myself for the inevitable return to work, nothing I thought up actually came close to comparing to the real deal! I was hoping that I would be kept really busy to keep my mind off of Evan. My work did ok on that part except for not having my own PC for my first day back, I'll forgive them for that as they gave me a brand new shiny lush PC the very next day. I did think a lot about Evan and I think I only telephoned them once in his first week so that's not bad.

Going on our experiences at the introduction sessions I thought Evan would fit in just fine, How wrong I could be.... He seemed ok when I dropped him off and he is eating fantastically well at nursery. The problems arrive when it is time to sleep. Evan is used to his own bed and it's fairly quiet at home. Nursery is completely different, there are 6 cots in one room, so you are likely to have more than one baby sleeping at any one time. We even take Gerry the Giraffe in every morning straight out of Evan's cot to try and give it that homely feel. We are lucky if he gets 1 hour and a half throughout the whole day so by the time I get there of an evening to collect him, he's shattered and grumpy. At home Evan would usually sleep for around 2 hours in the morning and then an hour or so in the afternoon. I just didn't think that maybe he wouldn't be able to sleep at nursery, I thought it would take him a while to get used to the cot but eventually he would still be able to sleep. Of course I forgot that he would be sharing with other babies and would likely get woken up a lot more.

The first 2 days were probably the hardest for me. When I went to collect Evan, he just looked at me and pulled this face as if he were going to cry and even his voice had a quiver in it. He was breathing as though he had just cried for hours. It was so traumatic, he held his arms up to me and crawled towards me crying. Apparently he was fine up until then, it must have been the sight of seeing me that set him off. I always imagined him being pleased to see me but not in this kind of way, like he had almost given up hope of seeing me and then finally I arrived. I could have cried there with him but instead we shared a tight embrace. In the evening now Evan follows me everywhere and has been crying as soon as I put him down, it's as if he is worried I am going to leave him again.

I did enjoy parts of being back at work, I just wish my day away from Evan wasn't as long. I think working shorter days and still being able to spend some time with Evan would suit me more than working all day long and having no time with him during the week. I was so pleased to see the weekend arrive, though I was extremely tired because there is no such thing as a lie-in. Evan didn't appreciate being woken up at 6.30am every morning and by the time the weekend came along, he was ready to get up at around 7am.

Our attempts at teaching Evan how to eat finger foods - this was before he mashed them everywhere!

Evan used to love going out places and he still does love his pushchair, although the car seat is another issue completely. I started to notice halfway through the week that whenever I put Evan in his car seat, he would just scream and fight, desperate to get out. I am starting to think that maybe he knows that he is going to nursery and now whenever I take him out in the car, he fights me.  It's a real shame because he really did love going out in the car .

I thoroughly enjoyed my weekend with Evan, Caroline handled all the food shopping, whilst I took Evan out with me. We went to our local Leisure Centre where there is an indoor play area called "Cheeky Charlie's". It's split into two sections, one for the 'under 3's' and one for the 'over 3's'. At first Evan was very scared as it was quite loud and hectic with lots of children running around jumping into the ball pits and climbing everything. I couldn't let go of Evan for at least 10 minutes at first because otherwise he would just cry, by the end of it he was trying to crawl to all the places where the over 3's were playing! We didn't have to pay for entry because Evan is not yet walking, but he still enjoyed it.

Evan did something new this weekend for us. I was standing in the kitchen looking through the doorway at Evan. He was kneeling up at his playpen looking in towards it (he wasn't inside it). He suddenly moved his left leg so that his foot was flat against the floor and then he just stood up whilst holding the playpen bars for balance. I just couldn't believe my eyes, he's only been crawling for 2 weeks and now suddenly he can stand! He wobbles a bit, but he was able to stand for several minutes before flopping back down onto his bum. It's lovely to see his development first hand, missing his first's of things is one of my greatest fears now that I have returned to work.

I hope he'll always want my cuddles even though we won't be around each other all day, everyday. I have thoroughly enjoyed my maternity leave with him and I hope I have no regrets in years to come. I love being Evan's mummy.

Emma